


Perfect Maria

by Cocoa_N_Donuts



Series: Blackhill Week 2018 [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blackhill Week, Day 4: Speaking Russian, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 00:04:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cocoa_N_Donuts/pseuds/Cocoa_N_Donuts
Summary: Natasha is infuriated that her girlfriend is too perfect... Until she realises that Maria can't understand Russian.Natasha couldn’t help but feel slightly cocky at this realisation. Finally, she could do something that her perfect girlfriend couldn’t.“Nat, if you want a reply from me, you’re going to have to use English. Sacrilegious, I know. But necessary.”





	Perfect Maria

**Author's Note:**

> This is proof that not all days are good. I rage typed this. All of it. It's supposed to be sweet but I was not having a good day when I typed this, so... I still hope you enjoy this, but I wouldn't count on it.

Sometimes Natasha gets really annoyed at how talented Maria is. Yes, they have been girlfriends for a few years, but does Maria really have to be so… Competent and great at everything she does? Maybe Natasha had love goggles on, but Maria simply was perfect. 

 

Even the way she yells at baby agents, all poised, authoritative commander, made Natasha all hot and bothered under the collar.

 

Out of the many top notch super-spies and agents of various government intelligence agencies, never had she met anyone as talented and well-rounded as Maria Hill. And to Natasha, who had been trained growing up that she was to be the perfect specimen of a woman, it was exceptionally infuriating.

 

One day when she was in between missions, Natasha decided to pop into Maria’s office for a bit just because she missed her girlfriend. When she poked her head in just to catch a glimpse of her girlfriend hard at work, Natasha was struck by exactly how beautiful Maria looked in the moment, hair tucked into a tight bun, face angled towards the screen placed slightly to her right. The sunlight was streaming into Maria’s office, illuminating the Assistant Director with all its radiance. 

 

_ That side profile. I can look at that jawline forever.  _

 

“<<Do you know how beautiful you are?>>”

 

Maria’s eyes snap to her, and she only frowns a little and cocks her head to the side in question. It was one of the cutest things Natasha had seen. 

 

“<<You’re the most adorable person I have ever met and I want you to have my babies.>>”

 

Maria only blinked. Once. Twice. 

 

“<<Oh, that’s right, nobody understands Russian in this room but me.>>” Natasha couldn’t help but feel slightly cocky at this realisation. Finally, she could do something that her perfect girlfriend couldn’t. “<<I can compliment you to no end without losing a smidge of my reputation. Excellent. Maria, you have no idea how much I want to sit on-->>”

 

“Nat, if you want a reply from me, you’re going to have to use English. Sacrilegious, I know. But necessary.”

 

Outwardly, she nods. Inside, she’s busy coming up with method #8 of flirting with her girlfriend while Maria remained entirely oblivious to everything she says in Russian.

 

“I’m sorry. I found this Russian restaurant over at third and sixth avenue that I wanted to try out. If you can make for dinner tonight, I’ll go ahead and make a reservation for us.”

 

“Sure, Nat. If nothing urgent comes up and the world doesn’t implode this afternoon, I should be able to leave on time.’

 

Natasha nods, pleased, blows a kiss to Maria, and exits, making good on her word to book them a seat at the restaurant she’d been eyeing. 

 

But from then on, Natasha took to the most inappropriate moments to slip in compliments in Russian. 

* * *

They were at a ball with the most important people of the United States gathered, dressed to the nines. Maria was in a slinky black dress that drove Natasha nuts, so she turned to Maria and whispered, “<<I want to peel this dress off of you. Slowly. With my teeth, and make love to you all. night. long.>>”

 

Maria returned in a whisper, “What?”

 

“These people are absolute idiots.” Natasha murmured smoothly, referring to the dull discussion over the ethical use of alien technology that members of the US senate currently had them trapped in, “Should we get out of here?”

 

Maria hums in agreement. They politely excuse themselves, and Maria guides Natasha to the open bar with a hand on the small of her back. 

 

After continuously being cornered by imbeciles everywhere they went, Natasha eventually grows frustrated and stomps out of the ball. She drags Maria home, and made good on her promise to Maria that night.

* * *

When they were at the Bartons for Christmas, courtesy of Laura’s tendency to pick up strays she particularly adored, Maria was interacting so well with an eight-month old Nathaniel, her hardass Hill persona completely out the window and into the fiery pits of Asgardian hell. Maria was a perfect caretaker: cooing at Nathan, feeding him his mash, burping him, placing him on the playmat and offering him toys, wiping his snot, before picking him up and dancing the cha-cha with him gently, playfully.

 

And Natasha watched, entranced. 

 

“<<Our babies will have your eyes. They will have you as a mother, as a protector, and they will grow up healthy, without any of our trauma.>>”

 

Maria looks at her, smiling and picking Nathan’s little chubby hand to wave at her.

 

Natasha returns her smile, “<<I will protect you and any children we have together, till the day I die.>>” 

 

Lila laughs heartily at her side, “Aunty Nat! You just spoke funny! What did you say?” 

 

Natasha turns to her, smile turning cheeky, and she inches slowly forward, “I said… Aunty Maria will tickle Nathan, and I… will attack Lila!”

 

Lila screams and laughs as Natasha chases her around the Barton’s living room, eventually catching her in a tight hug, and tickles the little girl.

 

She misses the way Maria’s eyes fall at the mention of Natasha’s death, the way Maria bit at her lower lip before struggling to return to the playful mood with Nathan. 

* * *

“Hey Nat? Do you know how to work Stark’s incredibly high-tech coffee machine? It’s too early for me to do this shit.” Maria mumbles grumpily. 

 

Natasha swoops into the kitchen that they share in the Avenger’s Tower, takes one look at the machine and a gloriously rumpled Maria grumping away on the cool marble table, forehead pressed to the tabletop as she tries to will her hangover away, and declares: 

 

“Yes. $5 and I’ll make you the best coffee you’ve ever had.”

 

“Nat. We’ve been dating for seven fucking years.. Just make me a cup of fucking coffee.’

 

“Nope. $5, these coffee making skills are worth alot, and I’m still working out the finer points of capitalism. <<Until you marry me, and I’m legally bound to take the best care of you as I can, I’m charging for Natasha’s special.>>”

 

Maria groans, raises her head to glare at Natasha, “Don’t even make me  _ try  _ to decipher that. If a cup of coffee isn’t in front of my face within 2 minutes, you’re not getting any for a  _ month _ .”

 

Natasha shrugs, makes a cup of coffee for herself, holds Maria’s heated gaze, and sips noisily from the cup. “Well, it’s your loss, <<sweetheart>>.”

 

Maria growls, before she turns  _ green _ , and takes off for the washroom. 

* * *

The next time Natasha tried to speak in Russian for her private entertainment, Maria was giving a mission brief to the Avengers. She was absolutely at the top of her game, her presence commandeering a room full of superheroes who had saved the world multiple times over. She outlined the mission objectives, parameters, and was in the middle of explaining just how volatile the payload was, in that silky deep timbre of hers when Natasha couldn’t contain herself anymore. 

 

“<<Marry me.>>”

 

Without pause, Maria’s gaze flicks to her, holds her gaze deeply, and continues without missing a beat, in a fluent “<<Of course, I thought you’d never ask.>>”

 

Natasha’s jaw drops, and she pushed her chair back, hands braced on the table in front of them.

 

“You understood me? H--have you always-- What-- How could you just say yes like that-- I--what--?”

 

The Avengers looked between Natasha and Maria, trying to make sense of it all. Only Vision cracked a smile while Thor boomed with laughter at Natasha’s outburst, having understood everything that had gone on. 

 

‘Friday, translate what--” Tony got that far before...

 

“Finish giving that command and I will  _ castrate  _ you in your sleep, Stark.” Natasha breathes, fuming. 

 

“Yeah. Nope. Stand down for now, Friday.”

 

“Very good, Sir.”

 

Maria “Sit down, Agent Romanoff. We’ll formalise the details <<when a ring is involved.>> privately. Now, returning to where we were…”

 

“<<We’re talking about this later, Hill.>>”

 

Maria casts her a nod, not even pausing in her delivery of the brief.

* * *

After that mission was over, Natasha cornered Maria in her quarters in the helicarrier, and forced the truth out of her. 

 

“Nat, I had to go for a year long undercover mission in Russia when I was a mid-level agent, so I knew Russian before I knew you. Remember the first time you decided to speak in Russian to me? I was waiting for you to elaborate on exactly how beautiful you thought I was. But you were having so much fun thinking that I didn’t understand you, I had to indulge you.”

 

Nat plonks her head on the helicarrier’s metal wall with a dull  _ thunk _ . “<<I’m an idiot.>>”

 

“<<That you are. But you are _ my _ idiot.  As for that ring…>>”

 

“<<I spoke on impulse. I didn’t really have a proposal or a ring ready. You were just being so authoritative and hot and I..I just blurted it out..>>”

 

“<<Hm...Well,  _ do _ you want to get married to me?>>”

 

Natasha fixes her with a heated, if a little annoyed stare, “<<Of course. You put the stars in my sky every night. I want to spend what we have of forever with you.>>”

 

Maria smiles the smile reserved just for Natasha, and goes on one knee, pulling a ring out of her pocket.

 

“Then, Natasha Romanoff, will you be mine for the rest of forever?” Maria asks, eyes twinkling a deep sapphire. 

 

Natasha mock gasps, “But what about the paperwork?”   
  
Maria makes a face, “Who do you think you’re talking to? Of course I have it handled.”  

 

They both chuckle, giving up the charade, and embrace, immortalising their engagement with a ring on their fingers and a night of their own.

* * *

On their wedding day, Maria delivers her vows in Russian flawlessly:

 

“<<I will never fail to let you know how beautiful you are everyday. You’re the most adorable person I have ever met and I want to have babies with you.>>” Maria smiles playfully at Natasha even as the smaller woman groans with embarrassment. 

 

“<<I promise that you will never again be alone understanding Russian while I’m in any room. I will compliment you to no end, without losing a smidge of my reputation. I promise to always allow you to peel dresses off of me. Slowly. With your teeth, and make love to you all. night. long.>>” Maria’s eyes darken with not lust, but rather love, and infinite affection. “<<The babies we have will share our eyes. They will have us as mothers, as protectors, and they will grow up healthy, without any of our trauma. I vow as you once did, to protect you and any children we shall have together, till the day I die. 

 

“And most importantly, I promise that you will never be alone again, for you shall be my partner, my wife, and I am legally bound to take the best care of you as I can, tending to all your concerns. Including making you all the coffees for your hangovers without charging money,>>” Maria shoots Natasha a playful glare, and Natasha breaks, laughing in front of the altar and everyone gathered. 

 

“Because I, Maria Hill, take you, Natasha Romanoff, to have, to hold, to  _ protect _ , from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. ”

 

If Natasha was both crying and giggling a little at those vows, she would forever deny it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wanna scream at me about how horrible this is?


End file.
